Where to begin?

I guess first I should say thank you to everyone who reached out to us, asked us questions, supported us, and prayed for us. We could never tell you how much we sincerely appreciate it.

It's been 6 years since we started finding out the truth. 6 years. When we began writing the blog, we were honestly hoping everything would come to light, and that somehow there would be some justice along this road.

As stated in previous posts.... we were wrong.

I have struggled to write this blog post. I sit down to write, then walk away, and come back thinking I've mustered the courage, but then it's gone again. This part of the story marks one of the hardest seasons my family has ever had to endure. It's embarrassing to tell, and it opens up a wounded part of my heart that I thought had healed.

After Dad told us to come get our horses and that he would do "whatever it took to get rid of us," it was easy to be mad for a while. We had some friends step up and tell us that we could keep our horses at their place, and we were grateful, but also knew it was temporary. After months of conversations and planning, Johnathon and I realized that we were going to have to sell our house to be able to buy the land necessary to keep our horses. I loved my house. It certainly wasn't perfect, but I loved it - and now I have to sell it. So we did. We put it on the market, and it took a bit to sell, but it did. The only problem is, now we really didn't have a place to go. We talked through every possible option: apartments, living in the RV, but none of them would work out right.

We have some wonderful friends who offered to open their home to us for a while until we could get settled. We knew it wouldn't be long before we had everything we needed done, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. We found the land, the owner let us move our horses out there, and we were on our way.

What we thought wasn't going to be a big deal turned into a MASSIVE problem, and 7 months went by of us living with our friends. We all tried to make the best of it, and I think we did okay. We tried all we knew to be good roommates. I can't tell you if we were or not, but I'm still thankful. This was my sons senior year, and all the things that should have been fun and exciting became stressful and sad because we were living out of boxes and not in our own home.

I know how hard it was on my family, and I struggled with the guilt that I put them in that situation. They were hurt and angry too, and there wasn't anything I could do to heal that for them. It wasn't just me that Dad "kicked off" his land. To watch your children grieve is something I would never have the words to express, but I can honestly say I hate it.

We finally found some land and moved a house onto it. We had to move faster and more carelessly than we normally would have done, but we needed a solution and we needed one quickly. It has worked out to be a great piece of land and a great house, but the journey to get here was honestly hell.

There's still so much more to this story, so many more details. This is just where I had to start. For me, this was a big one. The hardest part about writing all this down is that my dad still doesn't even know this part of the story to this day. He knows we bought some land and a house, but he has no clue what it took for us to get here.

I would like to say publicly to the Tidwell family: Thank you. If it weren't for you, I don't know what we would have done. Your entire family welcomed us and treated us as if we had always belonged. I apologize for any mistakes that we may have made along the way, but we love you all for stepping up for us in a way that most people wouldn't and didn't. I could never repay your kindness.

To my husband: Thank you for being by my side. This was a hard one for our marriage to weather, and you did it for me. Thank you for honoring the vow "for better or worse." It's hard to imagine that it could be any worse than it was then. You stayed steady and did everything you could to make the situation better, and I love you even more for your determination.

To my children: I am very sorry for what this has cost us. I am sorry that you all were victims in this mess. You paid for consequences that weren't yours to bear. I know your sacrifices and think about them often. Thank you for being tough enough and patient enough to fight through this with us. I hope that in time this will be the home you love the most. I see the balance of trying to walk out forgiveness and setting boundaries, and I admire you both for trying to figure it out. It isn't easy. I pray you see this as a season and not a defining moment in your life. I love you more than words could ever say, and I hope you can forgive me too.

Whatever it takes - to move on.

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