Moving Forward?

There are so many details that I wish we had written down or saved, but as Justin said, we were trying so hard to keep the peace. We wanted that relationship with Dad, and we tried everything we knew to do.

It's complicated to try to have a relationship while watching someone be in a toxic situation. I'm sure so many of you can relate. I enjoy my dad's company, but my heart breaks because I want so much better for him. It's also frustrating to hear him talk about her and her son like they are the greatest humans alive and deep down I know he's being taken advantage of.

This entire time, there were, and still are, stories she would tell that "don't quite add up." She still gets more bonuses at work than most people I know. Which is strange for a corporation-run media company. To this day, we still occasionally get phone calls from those small loan places or collection agencies. I will forward the voicemails to Dad. He, in turn, will send them to her, and the answer is always, "It's a scam." I know sometimes these scams exist, but the odds of that many scams targeting her are unreal, and the collections being real are more likely.

We know of an appointment at the courthouse but can't find out why she was there. We just don't have access to the right places for the answers we crave. I guarantee my dad doesn't know why she was at the courthouse or he may not know she was there at all. It could be as simple as a traffic ticket, but it could be so much more than that too.

In December of last year, I spent a lot of time contemplating things and realizing that there was nothing I could say or do to change things. So, I decided that I would just try and extend an olive branch to try and make the best of things. I was tired. I was tired of fighting, tired of being angry, just tired.

One evening, I stopped by Dad's house and decided to ask her if maybe we could move forward. She sat up on the edge of the couch she was sitting on and said "Yes, I would like that very much." She went on for a while about how she was sorry and that she missed us and the kids.

I told her that I didn't know what it would look like and that I had forgiven her, but I hadn't forgotten. That trust was not what I was extending, and I expected transparency from here on out. She said, "Yes ma'am, yes ma'am," which was bizarre, but whatever. Dad said that their accounts were completely separate, and he keeps track of the money that she gives him for the bills so that Justin and I can see. Everything inside me still cringed, knowing that what she was giving him wasn't even close to what she should be. I am still certain she has access to his bank accounts whether he believes it or not.

I told her that she was welcome back in my home and around my family. This was hard to do. It was not what I wanted to do, but I had just decided not to fight anymore. I told them that Justin wasn't in the same place that I was, but this was a starting point. She said she understood and from there I "tried to make it work."

She showed up for Christmas, whereas previously, it was just Dad. We even got her gifts. It wasn't anything special, just a novel, but I knew she liked to read and Justin's family got her some bath items. We really were trying to walk out what we thought was the right thing to do. It was never easy and never comfortable.

But...

Whatever it takes to make Dad happy.